On Notice

With apologies to Stephen Colbert, the following people have been put On Notice.

Roland- I went to get a haircut on Saturday. I’ve been to this particular barbershop before and have had surprisingly pleasant experiences with other barbers. However, on Saturday, Roland butchered my hair. My hair is not very hard to cut. It is pretty standard hair. Normally, all it takes to do a good job is a spray bottle of water and some scissors. However, Roland eschewed the spray bottle and proceeded to hack away at my hair like Joe Pesci hacked away at the body in the trunk of his car. So painful. It felt like hair was being ripped out of my head.

Anyways, he cut it so unevenly that he had to buzz it much shorter than I wanted in order to make it look okay. He then proceeded to attempt to cut my sideburns, but when I yelped in pain when he almost cut off my ear, he stopped. After babbling about some oldie on the radio, he pronounced me done and said that I could make further adjustments on my own. It was the worst haircut. So bad.

Anybody who says the Big Lebowski isn’t funny- It’s genius. There is no debate. Watch it again if you have to. Or call me and I’ll repeat it to you line for line. Nothing further needs to be said.

People who like Vince Vaughn but don’t like Swingers-

He’s played the same character in every comedy he’s been in and it is Trent from Swingers. It’s the same character over and over again and it is hilarious. But various people have told me that they don’t like Swingers but love The Wedding Crashers or Old School. So weak.

You people have been put On Notice. Deal with it!