On how to best watch a film at the cinema

This post aims to serve as a guide to a pleasant movie-going experience. (That word "movie-goer" has always bothered me. What the hell is a "goer"? Just say "patrons." This also goes for the word "doer." "Boy, that guy is a real go-getter. He is a real doer." So annoying.)

1. Always buy your ticket with a credit card at the automated ticket machines. Waiting in line for ticket is tiresome and talking to the attendants can be a frustrating experience. The lines for the machines are always smaller. Plus, paying with a credit card lessens the pain of paying $9.50 for 2 hours of amusement, whereas paying cash can cause pangs of regret as you hand over 10 dollars that could have gone towards a cold 6-pack.

2. Buy the largest tub of popcorn they have. Don't get the butter topping, it only leads to feelings of queasiness later. Try to get a combo with the largest drink they have as well. Add a lot of salt to your popcorn so that you will need to drink the beverage. Although drinking so much fluid may result in having to pee during the movie, the building pressure in the bladder adds to the dramatic urgency and tension of the movie. Once again, pay with a credit card. And don't get candy or even worse, nachos or a hot dog or chicken wings. Popcorn is the only acceptable food. Period.

3. Sit in the front row. I cannot stress this enough. The front row is the key to all sucessful movie experiences. First, it provides ample leg room as there are no seats in front of you. Second, you are forced to look up at the screen thus making the magic of movies seem even more magical. What do I mean by this? The purpose of going to see the movie in theatres is to be able to lose yourself in the movie in a way that can't be done at home. The dark room, the big screen, and the huge sound system all help you get wrapped up in the experience. Sitting in the stadium seating, where you are level with the screen, detracts from the hyponotic effect. It is just liking watching the movie on a big (admittedly, really big) TV. Looking up at the screen, however, is more like a religious experience. Man does not look towards the horizion for answers; he looks up at the sky. While sitting in the front row may be disorienting at first, especially during the quick cuts of the previews, your eyes and brain will adjust and you will be rewarded with a much better experience.

4. Lastly, always bring a Nepali with you. This, I believe, is self-explanatory.