With Child

I found out yesterday that not one but two people in my office are pregnant. After saying congratulations, I said, "Boy I hope it's not contagious because labor sounds painful." This was met with silence and then more silence. I swear I try and try but always come up flat. Maybe my humor needs to be more accessible.

"Boy, you know what I hate? Commercials. They just talk and talk and talk. And another thing, women are grouchy when they are on their period. Men really like fantasy football. White people dancing. Poop. Boy that bubble gum from baseball cards in the 60's sure was bad. What was it made of? Britney Spears is trashy."

Maybe I'll try that. It'll work wonders.

Or Maybe I should try what Luis Bunuel did when screening his controversial film "Un Chien Andalou":

t was made in the hope of administering a revolutionary shock to society. "For the first time in the history of the cinema," wrote the critic Ado Kyrou, "a director tries not to please but rather to alienate nearly all potential spectators."
The scandal of "Un Chien Andalou" has become one of the legends of the surrealists. At the first screening, Bunuel claimed, he stood behind the screen with his pockets filled with stones, "to throw at the audience in case of disaster."

Notice to coworkers and friends, I will now carry stones in my pockets to pummel if you don't honor me.