Mistress Distress

Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells has announced his retirement from football after 19 years in the league. Peter King describes his conversation with the man:

I called Bill Parcells on Saturday to say something I don't often say to anyone I cover. In fact, I don't remember ever saying it in 23 years covering the NFL.

"I really want you to coach one more year,'' I said to Parcells, whom I'm known since 1985, when I moved to New York to cover the Giants for Newsday. "You've got a quarterback you love, and you're having fun. I'd really love to be around that a little bit for one more year.''

"Maybe,'' he said. "You know, football's a powerful mistress, but the commitment is ... Well, it's a lot. Can you give what you know it'll take for 12 months? That's the question. These January-to-January deals are a pretty big undertaking. We'll see. But I don't think there'll be any shame if I say I can't do it anymore.''

First it's riduculous for a reporter to ask a coach to coach just one more year. So irritating.

Second the football as mistress analogy is hilarious. Football is something that you cheat on your wife with. It's something that is twelve months of hard, grueling work, and Bill just wasn't up for the job.("That's what she said") Bill you just need some Viagra or I guess since we are talking about the NFL, Levitra. Admitting you have football ED is the first step. Taking the proper steps to rectify the situation is the next.

I think both Peter King and most of Football America would urge Bill to consult his doctor and get ride those Cowboys all the way to the Super Bowl.