Catty Shack

My spuervisor has been up and down the cubicles today with pictures of her new apartment and her two cats who somehow managed to get into the ceiling boards. This is how she brought it up with me.

S:Hey John, one quick thing.

J:Yes.

S: (looks puzzled) Oh wow I totally forgot what I was going to say. I've just been so tired. (looks at me with anticipatory look on her face)

J: (with a resigned expression as eyes glaze over) Why are you so tired?

S: (very perky) Well it's my darn cats...blah blah blah...and here I have pictures on my cell phone...blah blah blah...my cats are just crazy.(15 minutes elaspe)

J: Oh wow, maybe you should just put them down. Just kidding. Heh.

And then she moves onto the next helpless victim.

If I ever spend 3 hours of my day at the office talking about my cats when I am 43, please have me put down.

Because It Has Been Awhile

The whole movie is availiable on these fine internets right here right here.

A New Life Goal

to make this list.

Or I could go outside and play. Or better yet just watch TV all day.

The Gold Mine

My childhood dream has finally come true. Seasons 3-10 are required viewing for all that wish to speak me for now on. You have been warned.

Classless?

And I refer you to this post about the The Courage of the Saints.

"The Bears are who we thought they were."

There Are No Words

Mistress Distress

Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells has announced his retirement from football after 19 years in the league. Peter King describes his conversation with the man:

I called Bill Parcells on Saturday to say something I don't often say to anyone I cover. In fact, I don't remember ever saying it in 23 years covering the NFL.

"I really want you to coach one more year,'' I said to Parcells, whom I'm known since 1985, when I moved to New York to cover the Giants for Newsday. "You've got a quarterback you love, and you're having fun. I'd really love to be around that a little bit for one more year.''

"Maybe,'' he said. "You know, football's a powerful mistress, but the commitment is ... Well, it's a lot. Can you give what you know it'll take for 12 months? That's the question. These January-to-January deals are a pretty big undertaking. We'll see. But I don't think there'll be any shame if I say I can't do it anymore.''

First it's riduculous for a reporter to ask a coach to coach just one more year. So irritating.

Second the football as mistress analogy is hilarious. Football is something that you cheat on your wife with. It's something that is twelve months of hard, grueling work, and Bill just wasn't up for the job.("That's what she said") Bill you just need some Viagra or I guess since we are talking about the NFL, Levitra. Admitting you have football ED is the first step. Taking the proper steps to rectify the situation is the next.

I think both Peter King and most of Football America would urge Bill to consult his doctor and get ride those Cowboys all the way to the Super Bowl.

On Bathrooms

Why do they split bathrooms into men and women?

Is it because women can't use urinals and men don't need *sanitary napkins* (best eupheminism ever)?

Is it part of a social construct to emphasize the differences between men and women and thus further justify and enable our current patriarchical society? (To quote a bumber sticker I saw recently "I'll be a post-feminist when there is a post-patriarchry.")

Or is it because seeing or hearing or being in the presence of the opposite sex relieving themselves on a daily basis would reduce the attractiveness and allure of the opposite sex for 95% percent of the population thus ensuring that only perverts who like a *golden* shower or *Cleveland Steamer* would reproduce? And if the latter is the case wouldn't homosexuals almost prefer to use the bathroom of the opposite sex?

Just some things that I have been thinking about.

Oh and by the way, if I may my reappropriate the wise words of famous rapper and a certain Nepali who enjoyed announcing his presence with the following phrase: "Guess who's back? Back again. I am back. Tell a friend."